Being the Beloved:
stories of ongoing transformation in daily life
By Marsha Crockett,
If I stop and listen to my own sighing over the way the world is today, I recognize that I wish reality were something different, that it be something that it is not. And so my expectations begin to unravel. All those loose ends, leave me with the barest, worn bit of frayed cloth to hang on to. But as much as I try to re-weave life back into what it used to be, it simply cannot be done.
Thomas Merton addressed this point of frustration when he wrote, “Our task is to seek and find Christ in our world as it is, and not as it might be. The fact that the world is other than it might be does not alter the truth that Christ is present in it…What is uncertain is not the ‘coming’ of Christ, but our reception of him.”
In other words, Christ is always here with us in our midst, even when life just isn’t working out the way we want it to. Most days the unraveled fragments aren’t big events, or the world crisis of the day, but rather ordinary realities — working, resting, cooking, reading, worrying, laughing, hoping, watching, walking, playing, praying. I lay these unadorned strands of life before God and pray to hear and see what God is offering me in it all.
I remember several years ago going through a time of transition and waking up one morning with my mind and heart calling out to “The God of my Undoing.” This undoing, or unraveling, wasn’t a disorienting or destructive sort of undoing. This was me inviting God to undo anything in me that needed to be unknotted, to remove the bindings that held me hostage to the past, and to take hold of the stray threads I had tried to work into my life that just didn’t fit. It was a relief to encounter this God of my Undoing.
It’s a prayer I’m grateful to remember for days when I feel overwhelmed by what I wish life could be, or frustrated that I am still learning to be content, when I’m feeling like life is “less than” — less engaged, less connected, less fulfilling, and less put together.
Opening to the God of my Undoing draws me out of my small perspective into the eternal, expansive fullness of God. It is a call to trust, asking God to help me let go of what no longer exists or no longer fits. It requires a yielding, an emptying of self and a prayer that says I’m willing to concede with a “holy indifference” to what is. And this, paradoxically, leads to freedom.
Holy indifference is not the same as a resigned complacency. It isn’t about giving up on life or losing hope or diminishing the fire of passion. Rather, as St. Ignatius taught, holy indifference simply says I’m not tied to any specific outcome or expectation, or bound up by empty nostalgia for the way things used to be. I hold loosely the notion of “normal life.” I hold loosely yesterday’s realities. I hold loosely today’s challenges. And I defer to the transforming holy work of yielding and “participating in the Divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4) as the Spirit weaves new mercies into my days until I see the beauty of this unraveled life.
For Your Reflection: How has your life been unraveled lately? What feels like it’s still tied up in knots? Take a moment to identify areas where it feels like you are clinging too tightly or working too hard to try to mend the weaving into the old tapestry.
Bio: : Marsha Crockett is a certified spiritual director, meeting with clients virtually and in Port Orchard, Washington. She is also the author of Sacred Conversation: Exploring the Seven Gifts of Spiritual Direction and Speak, My Soul: Listening to the Divine with Holy Purpose (both from Upper Room Books). In addition to her direction practice and writing, she leads workshops, retreats, and quiet days of reflection. You can reach her at marsha@marshacrockett.org, or visit her website at www.marshacrockett.org. Or follow her on Instagram @marshakaycrockett.
Image: Photo by Amir Bagheri - Unsplash
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