Being the Beloved - A Monthly Blog from CFDM Northwest
By Katrina Obata, CFDM NW Executive Director
God, Divine Love, is everywhere, in all things, and always pouring out all that is needed in every moment. I have seen it was God in my seeming “stuck-ness and indecision.” I have seen Divine Love behind in my “forgetting.” I have even seen God at work in my seemingly “casual decisions.”
Each incident: feeling stuck and indecisive; forgetting to respond; a casual decision made to do something different one morning, is just a part of normal daily life. However, God helped me become aware, after the fact, that there was more happening than I realized.
Being indecisive is not a new thing for me. I’m wired to gather lots of information, to see many sides and options, and to tune into my gut before moving forward. Like any trait, it has its upside and downside. One downside is I sometimes feel stuck because I want to move forward. At those times I can get down on myself and think I’m inept. After all, our society tends to value those who move quickly and decisively (and I guess at times, I do too).
One Sunday, I was at church for a 9am meeting and then planned to go to another church for a 10am service. However, as I was on my way out the door, I thought, maybe I should stay where I was. I sat in the lobby and pondered, listened to my gut, and waited. It wasn’t easy. I felt stuck, and frustrated. Yet, I waited. Then something shifted, and I don’t even recall what it was, but suddenly I decided to go in.
As I walked into the sanctuary from the lobby there was a girl coming in from outside. We stood next to each other and wondered where we should sit. We decided to sit together. We spoke after the service. She told me that attends church there very infrequently. I told her that I was there because I had attended a Centering Prayer gathering before the church service. She lit up! She said she really wanted to get connected to something like that.
In that moment, I knew the seeming “stuck-ness and indecision” that I was frustrated with in the lobby was actually God was putting a “hold” on me. A hold so that I could walk in while Sarah did. I am so glad that God showed me that by waiting I was discerning and waiting on the Spirit – it wasn’t me being inept at decision making. It was such a lovely reminder that God works through who I actually am, not who I think I should be or who I think I need to be.
May God grant to me (and to you, if you join me in this) the grace to see Divine Love holding and guiding us ALL the time. In these lovely times of noticing God at work in the “casual ordinary” and when we don’t know/notice it’s God at work – Divine Love is there nevertheless - loving, holding, pouring out all that’s needed.
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