Being the Beloved:
stories of ongoing transformation in daily life
By Donna Kelley, Spiritual Director
Early the other morning, as I was coming out of centering prayer, I heard a young child crying outside my open window. I live on the fourth floor of a five-story building in a relatively quiet suburb. The wailing went on for quite some time.
I have two young adult children and I've “been there” with the crying toddler, so I tend to avoid gawking. But she sounded so distraught. I finally stepped out onto my balcony to make sure she was okay.
There she was on the sidewalk below me, about three years old, held in the arms of her mother or caregiver who was gently trying to comfort her. Once outside, I understood what she was saying: "Want to go back! Want to go back!" in the most forlorn voice.
"Want to go back!" is a refrain I think most of us can relate to.
Before the loss, before the grief, before the pain, before the neglect, before the spiritual abuse, before the diagnosis, before the abandonment, before the betrayal, before, before, before.
I invite you to take a moment here and slowly breathe in and out a few times.
● Feel the seat beneath you.
● Feel your feet on the ground.
● Is there something you want to go back to?
May you hold your lament tenderly.
Sometimes I marvel at young children and their ability to rail against the injustices of life. I learned early on to hide my feelings, to keep quiet, to be a good little girl. It has taken many years of therapy, spiritual direction, supervision and embodiment exercises to tap into my authentic emotions. And to begin welcoming them.
When I'm in a state of lament or facing uncertainty, my first impulse is to make the feeling go away. No amount of chocolate or exercise or hilarious TV or good novels can soothe it. All those things can help and thank God for that! Ultimately, though, this longing for peace and justice, for all to be well, is knit into our beings. It is evidence of our eternal connection to the Divine within us.
I seem to find the most comfort when my three centers—heart, mind, body—are grounded. Of those, the body is the most challenging for me. Body prayers and somatic practices help me to sense and feel present and grounded in my body. In that state, I can often drop deeper into centering prayer, to touch the Divine within.
The uncertainty, pain, or grief might remain, but my capacity to live with it expands.
Our world is in a state of uncertainty as a whole. Where are you personally? Are you in a season of uncertainty? Lament? Grief? Unsettledness? Perhaps joy? Contentment?
What draws you to the Divine within? May you allow yourself the grace of space and time to embrace whatever it is that grounds you.
Bio: Donna is a spiritual director and grief movement guide residing in a wooded suburb outside of Seattle. She's a big fan of chocolate, swoony fiction and spending time with her husband and their two adult children, preferably on a beach. She is passionate about embodiment, somatic practices and centering prayer.
Image: Photo by Maksim-Shutov on Unsplash
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