Being the Beloved:
stories of experiencing God in daily life
By Katrina Obata, daughter of Paul C. Liendecker
My dad’s health had been declining for several years, but in recent months the decline began to accelerate. After I visited my parents at the beginning of May, I found out later that dad said, “I think that will be the last time I see Katrina.” I was gutted. When I had said goodbye to him, I did not think it would be the last time. And upon hearing this, I was determined that it would not be!
I began trying to figure out when to go back again. I’m on the other side of the country from them; there aren’t any direct flights, and driving is not an option. I wanted to time it just right so I could have time with dad and be there for his passing.
It soon became clear this was not something I could figure out. It was way above my pay grade. Thankfully, the Spirit guided me to the One who did know. My prayer was: “God, you know the day that you will welcome my father into your arms. I don’t need to know the day and time; You know, and You know my heart is to be with him. Please, work this out.”
I made plans to go back for a week over Father’s Day. Whenever I began to get my mind in a twist over the situation, I reminded myself – God knows my heart. I also surrendered to the fact that God’s ways are not my ways. I trusted that if my prayer was not answered as I had hoped, then that was somehow His most loving response, even if I didn’t understand it.
Then one morning I got a call. Dad was not expected to make it until my planned trip. I flew out the next day. I was able to spend nine days with him before he passed. My prayer to be with him was answered, but I didn’t get to spend Father’s Day with him. He got to spend Father's Day with his Father.
I shared with a group of friends that Dad’s passing had not fully sunk in for me yet. I told them, when I got back home to Bend, I planned to set aside regular times to be with my memories and my feelings. A time to sit and do things like look at a picture of him, talk with him, journal, make a collage, listen to songs from the memorial service, things like that. This is what one friend calls “Appointments with Grief.”
I had been tending to my heart ache and dread over Dad’s approaching passing for months before it happened. I talked with friends and family, my counselor, my spiritual director, collaged, journaled, prayed; all these things as a way to express what I was experiencing.
While I was with my family, I reflected often on a comment I heard about honoring our grief by recognizing that grief is not a problem to solve, but a deeply human experience that calls for presence, witness, and integration. It reminded me that I didn’t need to fix or help my loved ones (or myself) who were in pain. I could listen and make room for their experience. Our culture isn’t great about giving permission and space to grieve…so sometimes, we must provide it for ourselves and to one another.
For reflection: Is there a loss (of any kind) that you have experienced that longs to be witnessed, that calls for presence so that it can find integration, bringing it fully into your human experience?
If you would like to learn more about “Appointments with Grief,” you can click here for a one-page document written by Anna Cleghorn.
Katrina Obata is CFDM-NW’s Executive Director and a spiritual director. She enjoys being creative with collage journals, watercolor, drawing, jewelry making, Gell printing. She also loves to be outside walking, gardening, and rock hounding. A native of the Adirondack Mountain area of NY state, Katrina has made the PNW her home since 1994. She is a mom to an adult son via foster adoption, and currently lives in Bend, OR with her husband, and their dog Meeka.
Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash
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